By Reb Meir of Essex Street
I walked into my cigar club and sat down next to the Wooden Indian, and fired up a fine Dominican cigar. A few minutes later, Rob and Gary walk over to me and say, “Hey Reb! We’ve got a question for you.”
“Wait a minute. What is this, a press conference? I just got here. Give me a little time to unwind.” I have found if you don’t answer with a bit of moxey now and then, they’ll walk all over you! I really wasn’t upset that they asked me a question. I like when people ask me questions, but like to do things on my own terms.
I sat back, puffed my cigar, sipped my coffee, and said, “OK, what do you want to know?”
Rob says, “You’re a religious guy right?”
“Well Rob, I walk around all day with my head covered, You figure it out.” I was getting more interested in where they were going with this and said, “What’s your point?”
“Well,” Rob continued, “Why is it that all the religious guys I see around the city are dressed in black and white, and wear black hats, but you don’t dress that way?”
“What are you talking about? You’ve seen me come in here in black and white before,” I maintained.
“Yeah,” Gary added, “but you come in here more often wearing a Hawaiian shirt, jeans and sandals. Aren’t you breaking the dress code?”
“Are you out of your mind?” I answered, trying to hold back a chuckle, thoroughly enjoying this interchange. “Who said you have to dress in black to be religious?” Have you ever seen me here with my head uncovered?”
“No,” he answered, “but wearing a baseball cap that advertises ‘Big Butt Cigars’ isn’t exactly the look of your well dressed Orthodox man.”
“Haven’t you ever seen the yarmulke under my cap? It should be visible from the back.” I said. The important thing is that my head is covered; whether with a baseball cap or with a black hat,” I informed them.
Gary said, “How about Rob’s Toupee? Does that qualify?” The car dealer sneered at Gary.
“Actually, it does,” I responded.
Rob said, “Hey, I didn’t even know I was being religious.”
“Neither did we,” I retorted. “It’s better to keep it under your hat.”
Rob said, “Hey Reb, If you wear a baseball cap, why do you need a yarmulke too? Isn’t one covering enough? I could understand it if you were hiding a bald spot, but you’ve got a full head of hair. ”
I laughed and said, “Yeah, but I like to have all my bases covered. This way if I go bald, no one will notice. Besides I might want to take off my cap. The yarmulke stays on.”
Rob continued to get bolder. You could see the car salesman in him going in for the kill. “Why do you have to wear it at all? You think G-d will strike you dead if you don’t wear one?”
Trying to make him understand, I went on. “No. I don’t think G-d will strike me down for uncovering my head. Covering my head is a sign of respect for G-d, and a reminder that I’m accountable to Him. Besides, I like showing respect for G-d. You got a problem with that?”
Mark, who walked in a few minutes earlier, joined our conversation. “Then why don’t you dress like a penguin?” Gary, Rob and I broke up laughing.
“A penguin? What do you mean like a penguin?” I asked, trying to regain my composure.
Mark went on, “Well, those religious guys kinda look like penguins.”
“The reason I don’t dress religious,” I explained,” is that I don’t want to scare people off. When a guy dresses too holy, people tend to avoid him. If I dress like everyone else, people are not afraid to get to know me better.”
Rob said, “So when you dress in black, you’re trying to tell people to get lost?”
“No Rob,” I retorted, “When I want someone to get lost, I just tell them to buzz off.” I’ve even told you to get lost, haven’t I?”
“Yeah but he hears that from everyone,” Gary threw in. We all laughed while Rob just mimicked a laugh.
“There’s another reason why I don’t dress in black. It’s not that important. Its more important to be than to seem.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mark pondered. For someone who is not religious, he was really getting into this discussion.
I started to explain, “It takes no religious conviction to dress religiously. Some people even get a thrill from it. Kinda like religious cross-dressing. I know a lot of people, who dress religiously, but they treat other people so badly, it’s hard to believe they really have any kind of faith. Most religious people are not like that, but there are plenty of people who are. The purpose of religion is not to impress others, or make good business connections, but to make someone a better person. An ancient rabbi once said, ”If you do mitzvot to be seen doing them by others, you have your reward in full.”
Gary said, “Yeah, I once got a catalogue from a company that wanted me to carry their pipe smoker supplies, but I wouldn’t do business with them. They had a cover letter that said they employed people who exemplified the highest ‘Christian’ values. It was as if they were saying Jewish values were not as good as theirs were. They forget that they got their values from us in the first place.”
“That’s what I mean,” I went on. They use religion as a sales technique. Their religion may be fine for them, but it doesn’t belong in their advertising.”
Rob cut in and said, “I thought religion was mostly a scam to keep people in line, you know, it’s the opiate of the people.”
“Actually, that’s a pretty communistic view for a capitalist car dealer like you,” I said. “Religion is supposed to help people, not oppress them. If a person is genuinely religious, they will try to help others who are less fortunate than themselves. In the Talmud it says, “If I am not for myself, who will be? If I am only for myself, what am I? If Not now, when?”
Gary lit up another cigar and said, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
If you don’t take care of yourself, no one is going to do it for you. If you only care about yourself and no one else, what kind of person are you? A person’s life is worthless if they are so self absorbed that they don’t care about the needs of others. And the time for action is now. Not after you have accomplished personal goals, or made other excuses.”
I went on to explain that some people dress religiously because they live in that culture and want to fit in, whether or not they believe in everything the religion teaches. Other people may not be so religious, but like to be thought of as religious. The fact is, clothes don’t make the man, and they don’t make the man religious.
“Its like the guy who bought a captain’s uniform and told everyone he was a captain.” I said. “He even rode the Staten Island Ferry a few times to make it seem kosher. He told his mother that now he was a captain. His mother said he wasn’t a captain, but he insisted he was. Finally his mother said, “OK, by me you’re a captain, by your father you’re a captain, but by a captain, you’re no captain.”
Mark said, “Yeah, but you don’t even wear Tzitzis.”
“Yes I do, I just wear them inside my pants,” I intimated.
“Why do you bother to wear them if you don’t want people to see them?” Gary asked.
“The purpose of wearing them is because G-d said to wear them, not to make a public spectacle of them,” I went on. G-d commanded us to be circumcised, but if you display it for everyone to see you’ll get thrown in jail.” At that point we all broke up laughing.
They had me on a roll, so I continued my sermon. “Just because someone dresses like a religious guy doesn’t make him one; and just because someone doesn’t, doesn’t mean he isn’t. When a person dresses religiously it says more about the community he is a part of than the kind of faith he holds. I 0nly dress in black when I am in a religious community.”
“Why do you even want to go there?” Richie inquired. He had quietly sat down and joined us, and he was becoming engaged by the discussion. “I mean they speak a different language, and they live so differently than we do. Its like they are from another planet.”
“That’s a good question Richie.” I don’t want to go around like them all the time, because if I want to feel like I’m from another planet, I can go to a star trek convention.” I was becoming more emphatic. “I am honestly attracted to the inner faith taught in Hasidism. I like the idea of following Torah as a means of drawing closer to G-d. It’s like what Rebbe Nachman of Breslov taught, that it’s more important to be religious on the inside than to look religious on the outside.”
“Hey Reb, now you’re starting to sound like one of them,” Rob said in an implicating tone.
That’s my point. Inside, I am one of them. And that’s the only way to really be one of them; on the inside. People who put on costumes are called actors. I’m no actor. Its part of who I am,” I declared unashamedly. “And that brings me to question for you king of car sales: Where do you get this us and them stuff? They are us. We are them. They have the same last names we do; the same basic hopes and dreams as we do. When did you change your DNA?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Rob said, starting to back off, but he wasn’t fast enough. Richie was right on top of him saying, “ Are you kidding? A car dealer can change his DNA faster than an you can get an oil change.”
So what you are saying is that it isn’t as important to look religious as it is to be religious? Concluded Richie, trying to sum up what I was saying.
“Exactly,” I said, with a feeling of triumph one would feel when breaking through a brick wall.
“Then why,” Richie interjected, “don’t more religious guys go around in Hawaiian shirts and baseball caps like you?”
“They weren’t brought up that way. It’s normal for them to dress like that. I wasn’t brought up to dress their way. When I go to a religious function, I dress that way to blend in. I really don’t like to stand out. When I dress like a shlump, Its so I can blend in with you guys.” They all laughed. Gary said, “You’ve not only blended, you’ve led the way in shlumpy attire. Richie said, “Hey, that’s no way to talk to a rabbi, even if he does dress like a shlump.”
“Thanks guys,” I offered, ”You have no idea what your endorsement means to me, but my problem is because of the company I keep.”
Just then, Ira, a city Paramedic who came in a few minutes earlier said, “You’re a rabbi? I’d never have guessed it from the way you dress. You look like one of the guys.” I offered him my lighter as he was preparing to light up his cigar.
He went on to tell me that he was raised in a religious home, but had gotten away from his upbringing since college. He talked about how rituals seemed dry, and he didn’t like the politics of the shul. I agreed with him, but spoke of the teaching that the mitzvahs are not ends in and of themselves, but are a means and an opportunity to draw closer to G-d through them. Afterwards he said, “You know, I never met a rabbi like you. I feel like I can really talk to you, like you’re one of us. Thanks, you really helped me.”
Ron was leaving, and said, “Reb, I understand.”
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