Smoke Filled Room: My Brother, My Project

By Reb Meir of Essex Street

“Bob is your project,” Alan informed me. Alan is Richie’s son who also works at the Cigar Shop. He keeps the selection stocked, but moves the cigars around every other day, so you never know where to look for your favorite cigar. People got mad when he first started doing it, but they got used to it. Most guys figure it’s part of the charm of the place.

“What do you mean Bob is my project,” I said with a tone of displeasure heavily punctuating my words. “Why do I need to have a project? I have enough to do without a project.”

“Because you’re the Reb, and Bob needs to be straightened out, and we decided you were the best man for the job,” Alan explained.

“Who is we?” I queried. I was starting to enjoy this. I actually like projects that involve people, but I also feel you have to play hard to get or they take you for granted and walk all over you.

Alan spelled it all out for me. “Rob was taking Gary as a project, and you get Bob. The whole thing was Rob’s idea. We were talking and decided that Gary needs work. He’s a trust fund guy, he sits around in the cigar shop all day, dresses in sweats all the time, and has nothing in his life that is meaningful. Rob is going to try to help him get a life.” Alan was trying to sell me on the idea, but he didn’t realize that I loved it.

“Well why should Rob get a project? Who is he? He’s practically a project all by himself.” I was on a roll. “Well compared to Bob, Gary is a piece of cake! Why does he get Gary and I get Bob?” I was bargaining and I didn’t even know why. Force of habit I guess.

“That’s exactly why you got Bob. You’re the Reb. You can handle the bigger job. A car dealer can’t do what you do.” (Well, he had a point).

Bob has what most guys would call a squandered life. He’s a guy in his early thirties, but lives off an allowance from his parents. He is very good looking, and knows it. He doesn’t work, hangs out at the cigar store during the day, annoys everyone because he doesn’t really have a handle on the kind of reality most people in the world live in, because he doesn’t have to work to make a living. He is insensitive to the lives of those around him, and his biggest problem in life is talking his parents into buying him a boat. And for some reason he finds incomprehensible, when he shares his problem it rubs everyone else the wrong way.

One day he told me he was miserable because he didn’t have a boat, and if he had a boat, he’d be happy. I asked him if he really wanted to be happy, and when he said he did, I told him the secret of happiness. I said it wasn’t getting a boat that would make him happy, but learning to help others, and reach out to other people less fortunate than himself. I told him that in reaching out to others, he would experience an incredible contentedness he didn’t know existed. He just said, “No, that’s not it.” He was too self absorbed to understand what I was talking about.

By now a few more guys walked in and sat down. Mitch and Paulie started complaining about Bob too. They started saying I should do something about Bob. “What do you want me to do? I’m not G-d.”

“Yeah, but you have a hot line to him,” Mitch said. “ Put in a few good words to make him normal.”

“To tell the truth Mitch, are you so wonderful that you can talk? No one is so perfect that they can criticize others. Every one of us has his eccentricities.”

“Hey, what are you picking on us for? We’re not so bad. We’re a pretty good group of guys,” Mitch said, taking the defensive.

“You are right, we are a great group of guys. If we weren’t, I wouldn’t waste my time here.” I threw that in so he wouldn’t feel bad. “ But why pick on Bob? He’s not that bad. He just doesn’t know what to do with his life.” It was at that point that I decided to go for it. “The problem with you guys is that you see Bob as an aimless rich bum, and you are jealous because you are bums with an aim, but have to work to get where he is already.”

Mitch just said, “So what’s your point?”

“O.K., here comes the big moral speech about treating each other nicely,” Rob threw in.

“Well actually, I was going to say that I agree with you. He does waste his life, and he could be doing more with it, but I don’t see him as my project. I see you guys as my project.” That shook them up a bit. Mitch even looked a little hurt.

“What do you mean us?” They all said.

I knew this was a golden opportunity, and I didn’t want to blow it. “He could go to a career clinic to find a job. One of you guys could give him a job. You don’t need me for that. I believe people like Bob come into our lives for a purpose.”

“Oh come on. Now you’re saying Bob is part of G-d’s plan for the cigar store? It would have been better if his plan was to redecorate the place with leather chairs so we could be more comfortable.” Richie was getting a little incredulous here.

“That’s not what I am talking about. Having shleps in your life is nothing special. The world is full of them. The important thing is how we respond to the people in our lives. I believe Bob’s purpose here is the way we learn to treat him.” They didn’t like what I was getting at.

“But the guy lives a totally valueless life. He doesn’t contribute to society, and he doesn’t do anything that is in any way meaningful.” Richie was really serious, so I took a more serious tone as well.

“I think people like him in our lives are trials where we either recognize the image of G-d them, and show respect for our creator by showing respect for even the most unlovable among us.”

Rob said, “Well if G-d’s image is in Bob, he did a good job of hiding it.”

“Its hidden from those who don’t want to see it.” I went on. “It is too easy to see people for what they do, and value them accordingly. That is not the Torah. People’s value is found in the fact that G-d made us in His image, and respecting others is the way we show respect for Him. We spend too much time respecting what we made of ourselves, and not as much as what G-d made.”

“Yeah, but a lot of us worked hard to get where we are and what we have. We are entitled to respect.” Mitch was really into this.

I continued. “ I’m not denying that. But I am saying we still need to treat everyone, from the guy who made it big, to the guy who collects our garbage with common decency. If all the car dealers and all the garbage men went on strike on the same day, whom would people miss first? No one should look down on the work of another.”

Yeah, but Bob doesn’t do any work. That’s the problem.

“No. The problem is that we don’t treat him with common decency. If you want to offer him a job, fine. If not, fine. But you can still treat him with respect. Not because he deserves it, but because he is in the image of G-d. Its showing respect for G-d to treat people with kindness.”

“But the guy doesn’t deserve it,” Rob said.

“I know that. But lets say one of your kids is waiting on me at Kmart. Should I treat your kid like a worthless individual because he makes minimum wage? Or should I treat him with kindness and respect because he is your kid?” I was hitting close to home.

“You better treat him well,” said Rob.

“That’s my point. We are not to treat people well because they have accomplished so much, but for G-d’s sake. I might treat your kids better than well for your sake. I might overlook their problems too. G-d wants us to respect others and not devalue them because they are losers in our eyes, or for any other reason.” I had made my point.

Rob said, “Why do I feel I am on an episode of “Touched by a Rabbi?”

Just then, Bob walked in. I said “Hows it going Bob?” Mitch went over and shook his hand. Richie offered him his lighter to light a cigar.

Bob just sighed and said “I want a boat, and I need to talk my Dad into buying me one.” The guys just looked at me with a See what I mean attitude on their faces.

I sighed, lit up another cigar and said, “I didn’t say it would be easy.”